


pygmalion and garytea

by carceryvale



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Fluff, Gargoyles, Hiveminds, No Apologies, Other, no beta reader it doesn’t deserve it, they/them pronouns for reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:07:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25516261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carceryvale/pseuds/carceryvale
Summary: snippets of a school year with you & the schools mascot/messenger/water irrigation system
Relationships: Gary the Gargoyle/Reader, YES YOU READ THAT RIGHT - Relationship
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	pygmalion and garytea

**Author's Note:**

> hey it’s me the beacon fucker 
> 
> this is less of an ‘im actually into this’ like it was with beaconfic & more of me daring myself to write it and make it not as crackly as it sounds
> 
> i fucked up a loooottt on the gary lore but actually i’m taking it into my own hands now. 
> 
> sef. I love u. thsi is half your fault for encouraging me.
> 
> ps if you can get this to Travis- Do It.

It’s raining outside. It started as a light sprinkle, a warming before the oncoming deluge. You barely have enough time to sprint under the shoddily put together rafters of the outer annex when the real storm started, the sky darkening almost instantly as the skies opened up.

You shake off the water you can, sighing when you realize you’re going to be here for quite a while. You’ve just come to terms with your predicament when you heard the low groan, an unearthly unholy gurgling from the deep-

Like an organized group of performers the gargoyles adorning the walls of the castles open their wide mouths and hollow throats in synchrony, streams of water cascading down to the earth one after the other. It seemed almost demeaning for the schools communication system used to divert rainwater, but gargoyles were made for that purpose years before the hivemind behind the Garys gave them their strange sentience. 

The water rushing through the gutters and pipes sounds like a dull roar gurgling from the deep as you walk under the overhang, almost calming in its otherworldliness. 

**_gaaargoouuurillllle_ **

You reach the large arched doorway, another grotesque statue peering down at you from above. This one looks almost like a lion, eyes glaring down at you set in a snarling face. “Hey Gary.”

“What’re you doin’ out here so late?” The disembodied voice rings out. “You better get inside, real bad storm tonight.” You nod in reply before passing through the door, wiping your wet shoes off on the rug inside. 

It’s not long before you run into another Gary in the hallway, they’re countless throughout the school. “Storm really came out of nowhere huh?” You remark casually as you walk past. 

You speak to one but another answers. Or maybe they all answer, voices bottlenecked through the mouth of a small stone dog. “Nah, it's been brewin’ on the horizon for a while.” The next Gary you pass is a little horned creature with a silly face set into the wall, surrounded by offerings of desperate students. A few gold pieces, rubber bands in the shape of animals, origami birds and such. You stop walking, smiling down at the scene. “You know, you walk around with your head in the clouds so much you think you’d notice.”

“Oh shush.” You push the statue's paper sailor hat back to uncover its eyes, held in place by its pointy horns. While usually the thought of being watched would be threatening, it was sort of expected from the creature whose eyes were permanently peeled. “Nice hat.”

“What, you don’t got an offering?” Gary’s voice is tinged with humor. “You know I can get you the answer key to your finals right? Get you some real hot goss.”

You shake your head with a laugh before continuing to walk towards your dorm. “I don’t have anything for you Gary.” You remark to the empty hallway, turning out your pockets. 

“I’ll cut you a deal.” A door knocker calls out to you.

“Does that actually count?” You ask teasingly, not slowing in your step. 

“Hey, I’m desperate here.” The door knocker says, shrug evident in his voice. 

“Well I’m not.” You snort a laugh and turn a corner- and come face to face with a larger than life demon, wings spread wide and stone lips curled over sharp fangs.

“Give a guy a break would’ya?” 

You cross your arms with a huff and tap your foot impatiently. “I  _ told  _ you I don't have anything.” 

“All I’m askin’ for is a little kiss babe.” The voice is so out of place coming from the mean looking statue, mouth forever unmoving. 

“A kiss?” You raise an eyebrow, at both the request and the pet name. This Gary seemed a bit more direct than the rest. 

“Lay a smooch on this ugly mug and I’ll tell you what the word is ‘bout your own pretty face.” Gary says, voice bouncing around the hallway.

“Shhsh!!” You look around frantically but you’re still alone, no one else to hear the gargoyles strange flirtation. “Alright.”

Even on your tiptoes the gargoyles face is too high out of your reach so you step onto its clawed foot, reaching your hands up to support yourself on its broad shoulders. The stone is rough under your hands, rock and dust rubbing off on your hands and the front of your uniform as you brush against its surface. 

It’s not any smoother on your lips as you press a chaste kiss to the gargoyles cheek. “Mwah.” You step down and brush yourself off before striking a pose with your hands on your hips. “Alright, now what is it?”

Gary makes a sound like clearing his throat, pausing for effect as he has no actual throat to clear. “Well, I hear that… someone… likes you.”

“That’s all?” You roll your eyes before taking off again. 

“Hey, that’s some premium goss there!” Gary calls out, but you’re already at the door of your room. Never free of the watching eyes though, your room's personal Gary has a face set in a permanent pout. “Ungrateful kids…”

“ _ Goodnight  _ Gary.” You laugh. You would never play favorites of course, unbelievably rude to a hivemind, but the Gary keeping watch over your room was the one you were closest to. 

“Yes yeah, goodnight ta you too.” Gary grumbled, a unmistakable note of fondness in his voice. 

* * *

It started on accident, mostly- your friendship with the Garys. There’s an abandoned greenhouse on the school grounds, gone unused now that its class (Herpetology- NOT Herbology) was removed from the curriculum. It’s overrun with lizards and salamanders but it still made for a good study spot. 

It had a Gary too of course but with no one coming around it had fallen into disrepair, overrun with moss and various reptile droppings. It was a real shame too, the gargoyle was a giant stone griffin with eagle wings tucked tight by its sides as it stood proudly on its mismatched paws and talons. Life sized, majestic and beautiful even under the dirt and grime. 

You looked at your thick economics textbook and then at the dirty statue. Then back to your textbook. Back at the statue. 

Eh, Bartholomeus had a soft spot for you anyway. 

You put the heavy book back in your pack only to return with a rag and a bucket of water. “Hello?” No reply. You hummed in thought, considering your options. Was it a violation of privacy to clean a statue if the statue could talk? “Hello? Gary?”

No reply. Maybe this one was left out of the hivemind because there was no need to have ears all the way out here? 

Well, you already got the water.

“What a shame.” You tsked as you wet your rag. “Handsome fella like you all alone out here.” The greenery could be easily picked off and tossed away but years of dirt were caked deep into every cut and groove. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll get you looking good as new!” The lifeless statue stares down at you, lifelessly. “Or at least you know, presentable.”

It’s a  _ big _ fucking statue did we mention that? But you continue on, taking care to scrub the rock down as much as you could. 

“What I wouldn’t give for a magic, fucking, fantasy power-washer about now.” You grunt, taking a second to wipe the sweat from your brow. You’re three buckets in and the rag is run through with holes from the stony surface but you push on, because the only other option is actually studying. 

But you get it done, throwing out the last bucketful of dirty water as you look upon your progress. While not as proud as it once was, the stone griffin has regained some of its former glory thanks to you and your hard work. 

And now you don’t have any excuse to not study.

Groaning in dread you sit down on the raised platform, leaning back against the still damp rock as you crack your book open and begin to read about the intricacies of annuities and stock markets and-

You don’t even realize you’ve fallen asleep until you open your eyes and it’s pitch black outside. And then you pick the open book up off your face and the world regains some color. It’s late in the night, silver stars hiding in and out of stormy grey clouds that take up the sky. Rain pelts the ground, green grass and patches of wildflowers springing up under the heavy drops.

You raise your hand above your head instinctively to protect yourself from the downpour but you have no reason to- a quick inspection shows that you’re still perfectly dry. 

A glance up gives you your answer to how. The wing of the griffin is stretched out above you, shielding you as you slept peacefully. But you thought- no, you  _ know  _ the wings were held tightly to the beasts sides-

You sat up, carefully closing your textbook as you held onto the gargoyle's strong leg, watching the rainfall from your safe space underneath it’s outstretched wing. The sound of the raindrops hitting the stone above you was calming, almost lulling you back to sleep as you waited out the storm.

The downpour turned to a sprinkle and when the clouds rolled back over the horizon and left only morning dew behind you stood up and backed away from the statue. You turned around for a second to see if the school was still there- you could never be too sure after all- and when you looked back the statue was back to normal, wings held tightly at its side. 

You nod slowly, give the statue an awkward thumbs up, and then sprint back to your dorm room. Your roommates are already asleep so you sneak around them, toeing off your damp shoes as you crawl into bed. 

“Hey.” A quiet but unmistakable voice breaks the silence. “Thanks.” 

You just smile into your pillow.

* * *

Being friends with the Gary’s turned out to be really useful, especially with how messy and accident prone you usually were.

“Hey, wake up sleepyhead!” Your room’s Gary calls out. 

You roll over with a groan and pull your pillow over your head. “Five more minutes…”

“You got class in  _ ten _ !”

“Shit!” You sit up in a rush, stumbling out of bed. 

“Bartholomeus takes the lower staircases, I’ll distract him.” Gary says with confidence. “You hurry up, I’ll lead you.”

You nod your head frantically, pulling your pants on one leg at a time and trying not to trip on your face. Your roommates were already long gone, leaving you alone in the big empty room.

Whatever, you didn’t really get along with them anyways.

You burst through the door with your pack still in your hands, shoving scrolls and books and whatever heroes and villains need into it while you awkwardly half-run through the halls.

“This way!”

“Over here!”

“On your left!”

You followed the familiar voices directions blindly, trusting Gary to get you where you needed to go and  _ fast _ . Bartholomeus was giving a lecture on taxes today and attendance was mandatory- but all you needed to do was get in the room before the old owl did.

You took the stairs two at a time up a staircase you’ve never seen before, turned a corner and beamed in delight when you saw the door of your classroom right down the hall. 

With Bartholomeus standing just a few feet away from it.

But he seems to be deep in conversation (and deeply annoyed) by a gargoyle heckling him from another door frame so you inch down the hall, motioning to the Gary that it was time to really ham it up.

And if anyone could ham it, Gary could.

“So Bart-“

“ _ Bartholomeus.” _

“Yeah yeah, Bart-a-lewis. So quick question.”

Bartholomeus groaned. It was obvious that this was not the first of Gary’s quick questions, but the teacher was unable to leave a student untaught.

“So a handsome guy like me. I mean really chiseled. Cut. Rock hard-“

“What are you getting at.” Bartholomeus sighed as you held back your laughter.

“What I’m gettin’ at is does a great looking gargoyle like me improve the property value of a creepy old place like this? Trick question- I know I do, thank you, I just wanna know by how much so I can push for a raise at my next performance review.”

Bartholomeus slowly shook his head. “I…  _ what _ ?”

The door is in your sight and you go for it, pulling it shut behind you as you rush in. All your classmates' eyes are in you in shock and admiration-  _ no one  _ had ever managed to get by Batholomeus. 

The Aarakocra suddenly appeared behind you, his large looming shadow taking up the room. You turn around almost like in a horror movie, meeting eyes with your teacher. Stern and dark, but almost impressed?

He nods once and you rush off to your seat.

Bartholomeus took long strides to the front of the room, standing proudly with his arms crossed behind his back. “Turn to page three hundred and ninety-four.” 

The class stares.

He clears his throat. “That was a joke. Please, direct your attention up front for today’s PowerPoint presentation.”

* * *

_ There they go! _

_ Our favorite human. _

_ Tell them hi for me!  _

_ No, me- I’m their favorite! _

_ Me! _

_ Me! _

_ Ah shuddup, all of you. We all know  _ **_I’m_ ** _ the favorite  _

_ Oh, suuuureeeee rub it in our faces why don’t you.  _

_ Yeah you’re just a creep, watching them sleep every night. _

_ Hey! I respectfully look away! _

_ I dunno, sounds like a creep to me. _

_ Creeeeeep! _

“What’re you thinking about Gary?”

The gargoyle shook his head to clear its shared mind.

“Nothing important.”

* * *

Your favorite place to visit is the library and with Gary to guide you through the secret passages (because of  _ course _ they had secret passages, it’s only that Gary’s favorites got to use them- or so he said) it was easier than ever to spend hours hidden away and curled up with a book. You yawn and stretch your arms high above your head- and a small stone dragon coils around your neck with a purr. 

“ _ Gary _ .” You admonish the gargoyle half heartedly, petting his head as he nuzzles against your collarbone. 

“Working hard or hardly working there, toots?” Gary teases. When you scratch your fingernails against his carved head he kicks one of this body’s clawed legs like an excited dog.

“It'd be a lot easier if you’d quit distracting me.” You tease him right back, kissing the top of his rocky head.

“But you’re so fun to play with! Pretty thing like you, you’re wasting away in here!” Little dragon Gary tugs at your shirt sleeve but you just shrug him off.

“I need to study Gary. Finals are coming up and I need to actually pass.” You turn your attention back to your book and Gary sunk back down around your neck. His tail would hit your back gently, bouncing off it rhythmically as he drifts off.

You close your book quietly, trying not to startle the sleeping gargoyle. “You know Gary.” You say as you stroke his head, waking him up. “I’ve been thinking about getting myself a pocket Gary.”

Gary cocks his head. “You just sent all the portable Garys into an absolute frenzy doll. Don’t be surprised if Barns and Nobles turns into a bloodbath when you get down there.” He cocks his head. “Dustbath?” 

You laugh, high and joyful. “Oh, don’t be so dramatic.”

“I’m not.” He buts your chin like an affectionate cat. “Why are you wanting one of those little guys all of a sudden? Thought size didn’t matter.”

“ _ Shush _ .” You push him away. “I was just thinking, you know, the years coming to an end soon, I’ll be going away to do some hero and villain stuff.”

Gary's delicately carved ears droop a little. “Oh yeah. Almost forgot that.”

“And so I was  _ thinking _ -“ You boop him on the nose. “-how would you like to meet my parents?”

It would go down as an infamous moment in Wiggenstaffs history, a tale passed down from year to year- the day all the schoolwide Gary statues simultaneously went red-hot and erupted with steam, filling the halls and sending three students to the hospital for burns. It was passed off as a momentarily defect in the system and no one was severely hurt, but no one ever found out for sure what had set Gary off like that, and he refused to tell. 


End file.
